Stop Ordinance XXXX!

I arrived at work this morning to an email, sent to all staff, entreating us to STOP ORDINANCE XXXX, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY*. As you can tell, this sounds pretty dire. From the email:

"[XXXX] will hurt our economy, cost our town much needed jobs and could increase property taxes for our residents."

Ouch. Now, I don't own anything aside from a slightly used dog and an HDTV that makes an annoying noise at random times, so the property tax thing doesn't bother me. But, I might lose my job because of this ordinance? That's not good, this ordinance must be crazy bad, thought up by those evil town council members who only want to line their own pockets. So, like anyone with an internet connection and an empty office, I looked it up.

"Ordinance [XXXX], as proposed by town council member [some guy], would require a special use permit for the retail buildings at 80,000 square feet in an effort to control development of so-called big-box stores such as Wal-Mart and Home Depot."

That's odd. We already have a Home Depot and Wal-Mart. Maybe this is a preventative measure? Those frisky superstores, take your eyes off of 'em and they start multiplying like rabbits.

Seriously, from all appearances this ordinance requires huge chains (like the aforementioned) to jump through an extra hoop if they want to build a store. Before they just had to own the property in a commercially-zoned area. The intended purpose is to control sprawl and reduce 'unfair' competition with smaller, local businesses. It's not that no more huge superstores can't be built here, they just need a special permit. Or be under 80,000 square feet.

The catalyst for this ordinance is a proposed superstore, built only a few miles from the original. And, like all local politics, tempers get flared and possible externalities get exaggerated out of proportion. There are good arguments for a town being able to control how it grows (possibly through the use of special permits), and also for letting the free market sort this stuff out. Just keep it in perspective — nobody's gonna die because this ordinance got passed.

I'm not going to speak on whether this ordinance would be effective or even if it's a good idea. It may not be, but I suspect that in the long run, the effects will not be as grievous as the email suggests.

* paraphrased somewhat.

Creeeak

Today I went to my professional backcracker, which was nice. There is something oddly enticing about getting into strange positions and then having an unfamiliar woman jump up and down on you. They call it ‘getting an adjustment’, which is awesomely euphemistic.

I asked a doctor friend of mine what the AMA thought of chiropractors, which turned out to be what I expected: frauds, quacks, and all around Bad People*. Thing is, my back usually feels a bit better afterwards.

I wanted to briefly mention the experience because there are two really impressive things about this place: they have amazing customer service, and they literally print money**.

I walk in, the receptionist turns around, and without missing a beat greets me by name. There was no pause for recognition, no delay of any type. It’s like she subconsciously knew my name, the way you might greet old friends. I have no clue what her name is.

Then, while I was there, someone called in who wasn’t paying all their bills. Instead of the traditional thumb-breaking threats, she told them it was fine, and as long as they were paying some every month, everyone was happy. No interest.

While that’s really reassuring from a customer service perspective, I doubt they even need the money. My father is a top-rate shrink, and even he doesn’t charge over $2 per minute. On top of that, there must have been at least six different patients to come through during my short visit. Hey, congrats, I wish I was running a company with that business model.

Eh, whatever. I think I'm going to hit them up for a few more 'adjustments'.

* this is, of course, not the official position.
** seriously, there's a printer in the back, it seems a little shady.